Should I Move?: The Realities and Emotions of Relocating (91)

Wherever you go, there you are. You moving isn't going to remove the emotional turmoil that you're experiencing.

Hi everyone and welcome back to how the Wise One Grows. I am really excited for today's conversation. I'm excited for all of our conversations, but this one, I feel like, is a very relatable one. I think it's safe to say that at some point during most people's lives they've had a really strong thought or desire to pack up and move somewhere new. I was feeling that way earlier today and for some people it's this constant burning desire, and then others I feel like it can just be this fleeting thought that comes and grows. But I think it's really cool to lean into conversations with what happens to those people who actually do pick up and move, who act on that hunch, and what's the reality of that like. So today we get to speak with Madi Sol about just that. Madi Sol is a life coach turned therapist who works with trauma and people who want to move and have moved and made that big leap. So, whether you desire to move across the country or to a new one, madi Sol has a lot of important takeaways for us today. Before we get started, let's just take a moment to land here together with 3D breaths. So just take a moment to notice where your body makes its connection to the earth beneath you, maybe soft in your shoulders, down the back. Take a big breath in, fill your chest, fill your belly with air, exhale, open your mouth, let it out Again, inhale, chest and belly, expand, exhale, let it all go. One more inhale and exhale and you can return to that connection, and you can return to that connection to the earth beneath you as we return to this space and land here together. Thank you so much for being here, madi Sol.

Thanks so much for having me here, holly, I'm really excited to share with your audience and just share my wisdom that has come from my move abroad.

Thanks so much. Yeah, do you mind sharing briefly about your journey and your move abroad and where you're living now? Yeah, definitely.

So I will say that when I was a little girl, I always knew I was going to move away from where I grew up. I thought I was going to move to New York. I went to New York as a adult and was like, yeah, now I can never live here.

I don't think I could do it either. Where did you grow up?

I grew up in Washington state.

Yes, I grew up in.

Washington state Very grounding, very earthy energy and yeah. So what happened is pretty much like right, when I graduated high school, I actually went to college at the same time and I like got my first Fortune 500 tech job and so, yeah, I threw networking. That's like, honestly, how most of my opportunities in my life come about. I'm a four six generator. You know what that means. You know what that means.

We're about to do an episode on the human design, so I'm glad you said that. Amazing, look at me.

Feeling into the future, yeah, so basically I realized I lived around me and I just I didn't want anyone's life and so I was kind of like, where can I go? And basically I just, you know, followed the script right, like I had a good job, I finished my degree, you know, on paper, like I worked at a startup, like everything seemed to be like status quo, but I was pretty miserable. I was burnt out and I was really just like what the hell am I doing with my life? And I was asking everyone around me what? To do. But you know, in hindsight I'm kind of like well, you know, you really wanted guidance, but, as I always say, now, like everyone is our own medicine and like you have the answers that you're looking for.

So how does someone know when it's a good time and actually healthy to move, versus just escapism? You know, I think we often lean into like I'm sick of this situation or feeling this way, so I want to go somewhere new and I think that will fix it. But I think often the case is that we go wherever we are, so those things will still be with us even when we're in a new place. So how can we tell the difference?

Yeah, I think this really comes down to intention, like really understanding what is the intention behind your move. So, when I reflect on my own personal experience, there was a lot of emotional like turmoil going on right, Like I was in the middle of a separation, like I was literally knowing I was going to get a divorce, Like the whole life that I had built right was basically not going to exist anymore because of decisions I was making. And while going through that and knowing that my intention to move to Mexico was really to focus on my own healing and I remember sitting quite vividly I was in Puerto Escanlida, Oaxaca, with my friend three months before my move on 1010 in 2021. So this was like in the summertime and I said, wouldn't it be crazy if I were to get a divorce and move to Mexico and focus solely on my healing? Like here's the thing, like granted life gave that to me right away. Be careful what you say. But I've always held the intention of I know that I have things that I need to work on, so let me heal. And something that I don't talk about too much, I've realized through, you know, re listening to my own podcast episodes on Roving the Now is that the entire time that I've been in Mexico, I've invested in mentors, therapists, like I've had some type of support, virtually, so that I'm still working on the things that you know. If I maybe didn't have that top of mind, like would have been the things I was running away from right, and I think that it's really important for us to recognize what is the intention behind the thing. You know, why am I doing this? A move abroad, or even just like in general? And I think I can give you a really good, tangible client example. I have a client who has to make a lot of hard decisions in their life right now, around you know the relationship they're in their career and they are avoiding making the decision and you know they had jokingly mentioned oh, can I just like move? Can I just, like you know, join you wherever you are? And I'm like here's the thing, Based on the many, many conversations that I've had with individuals on my podcast wherever you go, there, you are like you, moving isn't going to remove the emotional turmoil that you're experiencing. All it's going to do is I always kind of I like to think of this as it's like the universe is just going to get hotter and hotter, going to turn up the heat.

Yeah, I love that you lean into intention and support with that. I guess to me that's the key, like it doesn't matter where you are, but it's the intention you have and how you choose to move through that. So, like, these emotions, these things we're experiencing aren't going to disappear. We have to learn how to work through our stuff and for some people, like staying and your home base, when you have community and support around you as well as like a professional to work with, that can be a great way to work on it. And then maybe it's not that you move somewhere but you get to go, visit and explore and travel. But for others, maybe that move could be a really healthy leap because it might require you to be by yourself a little bit more, to steep with the deep things that you're working through. And again, I think it's just like so important that you name that there is that support, whether it's a therapist or a coach or or whatever. You need to support you as you're working through that, knowing that we don't need to do it or move through it alone, especially when we're doing something as big and scary as taking a leap, moving to a new country. Travel is one of the things that helps me grow the most and that's why this year I decided to put in some time to find the best travel rewards credit card that I could, and I ended up getting the Chase Sapphire Preferred credit card and so far I love it. It's got a ton of flexibility, it gives you great rewards points and when you sign up you get some bonus points and I actually have a referral link in the show notes. If you are interested in getting a Chase Sapphire Preferred or Sapphire Reserve credit card, it will give you and I some extra little points so that we can continue to travel and grow together. You talk about the way you've. I've heard you describe it is the emotional evolution of an expat. So I think many of us can be caught into that romanticized Instagram version of, like I'm moving to a new country, I'm gonna be like enjoying everything so much all the time. It's gonna be magical. But do you mind leaning into like what it's actually like when someone does take that leap and moves to a new country? What are some of the highs and lows that they might experience? What are those phases of that evolution?

Yeah, so, definitely, speaking from my lens of experience, I did go through a cultural shock and, like, granted, my family, you know, like my roots trace back to Mexico, but, like Mexico, like in the US, is very different than actually being in the country. I think that's something that I I really want to point out, and I think the, while it's so amazing to see many different ways people live their lives in different countries, can be a little challenging, right, because it's essentially like the script that you're taught or the script that you grew up in, right with your culture, is challenged. It no longer applies. And I also would say that it really is like this deep journey of getting to know yourself, because you start to notice how you react to being challenged. And that's really what moving abroad is like. It is exciting and it is like you know up, like I think back to a lot of people I've talked to on my podcast. They're like the three months, it's like the honeymoon phase, right, it's awesome, you're exploring all these new things, but once you get really settled into your environment, you're kind of still just with yourself, and so it is this opportunity to dive in deeper, to get to know yourself. How are you adjusting. It really is this, I would say, deepening a relationship with yourself, at least in my experience of like, how do I create a home within myself so that, no matter where I am, no matter what country I'm in, no matter what airbnb I'm in, I feel at home within me as well, as I think another challenge is this whole concept of identity, because essentially, who you were like for example, my credentials and stuff in the US, like they don't really mean much here, you know, and so if you are someone who heavily identifies with that, you kind of realize like, wow, like your identity is so reliant, based on the environment that you're in, and for me, that's kind of been like a breath of fresh air to kind of just like let go of. Oh, like I don't need to define myself by titles or roles, or I have this or that. I get to define myself by my characteristics, right? What are the things that remain constant, no matter where I am, what is my essence? And I feel like that's given me a lot of freedom to just be who I am in this moment and that's really all I can do, you know.

I love that. That actually reminds me this is not equivalent to living abroad, but like growing up I had I would was the most homesick kid ever. Like I could barely go to kindergarten. I cried every day. My parents would go to the grocery store and I would cry the whole time. I had just like serious attachment issues, couldn't do sleepovers and this like I mean it was even hard for me. Like going to college, like being away from home has always been hard and I remember when I got into yoga and started deepening my practice and I got into journaling and I had this like morning ritual and routine. I realized that like here's home, like I was able to then find home within myself and I've. Then I was like I take this everywhere I go, like I don't have to be in that place or with that person to find home. I can come back to her every single day and you know I still do those practices to this day. I'm kind of curious for you like is there some sort of ritual or like routine that has helped you establish home in a new place? Or has it been more of that unfolding over time, of getting to know yourself more deeply and then then you have her in all these spaces.

Yeah, that's a great question. So I would say that my journey of finding home within has definitely been in phases. So the first phase was recognizing just the amount of trauma that. I was holding in my body and how much I was operating from a level of trauma which was survival mode, and I was able to process a lot of that through somatic work, which is what I'm trained to do through my trauma informed facilitation. So the first four months of that program was actually my own healing and then we jumped into how do we facilitate this experience for others. So that was the first phase and I think the second phase has really been through my study of the Jean Keys. So I do study the Jean Keys. What are the Jean Keys? Yeah, as I say, I want to like do the Jean Keys justice? Yeah, so I'm going to just like read Do it, what do the Jean Keys mean? So Jean Keys is essentially like a body of work by Richard Roode and it's really about like an inner journey of inner awareness and in contemplation, and what it really does is it guides you through. Like all of us have these keys, these genetic keys, right, like certain numbers, and they have a gift, they have a shadow and they have a city. And so what we're able to do while studying this body of work is not only uncover our own shadows but also see how it relates to, like the collective experience of the shadow as well and it's been really, really profound. And I think also what makes me realize I have home within me is that like I'm not an individual, I'm like part of this collective energy and I would say that the Jean Keys is a really good way to study kind of like the shadows of humanity as a whole, without being too identified with it, because it's kind of like the underworld. But you know, as with everything, there's always a light and there's always a shadow. So it's not you know, and I would say that because of that, you know journey and really studying that, and because I have these practices of you know, tuning into the body, knowing that, like you know, they call it earthing. Like you know walking on walking on the earth and making that connection. Or, like I do have a pretty like regular practice of going to Tomascalas, traditional Mexican sweat lodge, basically go and sit in a dark room. The hut is like made with really hot. It's a whole experience.

They are incredible, like your teeth sweat. It is unreal.

It's quite the experience and and I think you know what I'm really getting at is all the things that I do to help me create a sense of home are things that really bring me into my body. I'm not running away from anything.

Yeah, Really requiring yourself to embody that experience get out of the head and like, be it, feel it, live it. I'm very similar because I I'm all air signs, I'm in my head all the time, so I think that's why, like you know, I'm a potter, I teach yoga, like these are the things that like ground me into the earth, into my body. That's how I can be here. I really love that. You spoke about shadows. I think that's soup that keeps coming up, right now, when this is being recorded, not when this will be released, but this is being recorded, like right before the solar eclipse in Libra, which is like a big time of working with shadows, and we just did an episode, episode 73, with a shaman on shadow work as well, like how we work with shadows. I would, I'm curious, like with the jinkies is there a way that you work with the shadows that come up, or is it just about like learning to see them and hold them as a part of the whole?

Yeah. So I want to bring up something interesting just for fun that I want to share, because it actually came up in a conversation with the medicine man that I had recently. He said that we are entering the age where there are actually no more shamans, like we're entering the age where everyone is their own, like proprio medicina, like everyone is their own medicine man or medicine woman, and I just feel like the need to share that because I thought that that was really like enlightening. Yeah thank you, because, but in the way of working with the shadows, I think what happens is shadows are basically just uncomfortable emotions. Right, it's uncomfortable things, uncomfortable things that we experience, or uncomfortable emotions that are living inside of us. And the thing is that what I've realized is is energy doesn't really, like you, can't be destroyed. I'm like being brought back to this like memory, when I was living in California and I bought my first sound bowl from she's like a really popular sound bowl healer and she told me, like energy cannot be, can like destroyed, it can only be transmuted or transformed. And so when we're thinking about working with our shadows, it's not about like, oh, I'm, you know, looking at this thing to me and well, I looked at it and, you know, to the side, it's actually beginning to build a relationship with that part of you so that you can see, oh, am I actually operating from this place in me that is actually emotionally distressed, or am I operating from this place in me that is empowered and embodied, because our shadows don't go away, like, for example, I'll give you like a big one in the spirit of vulnerability. So my mom died. When I was really young, through studying my Jean Keys and everything, I realized my mom had this really big fear of abandonment and I remember that when my mom was getting ready to die, like she knew she was going to die her own, like her trauma of being abandoned was being triggered so much in her because she knew she was going to abandon her kids. That's how she was seeing it, perceiving it right. But for me, like I recognize like, oh, wow, like so abandonment really plays a big part in my shadow story. You know my unconscious body. So what do I really want this to mean for me? How do I want to recognize the ways that the sphere of abandonment has either held me back or how has you know, fear of abandonment actually propelled me forward? I think what, when we get to this level of shadow work I don't know, I don't even want to know if I call it just when we get to this level of awareness where it's not about labeling things good or bad, we can get into a space of neutrality. We can really begin to transmute or transform those, those energies, those emotions that are inside of us and know that like they're not just going to go away. There was going to be with us, but we get to decide the relationship that we have with those things and we get to decide the narrative around those things, moving forward.

Yes, thank you so much for sharing that. I think that's so important and I don't think we talk about enough those shadows and they are often so labeled as good or bad or we over identify them with them, but rather they are all a part of the whole and they all serve a purpose and there are challenges and there are benefits to all of it, and I think we often forget about things as like, at least in my mind, I let society write the story a lot. I'm like, ooh, people will think this about that and like if I don't achieve this, then that means that. But the reality is just like you said, like we can write our own narratives, we can define like okay, maybe I've had this shadow I've been working with for a long time, but how can I reframe my relationship with it and rewrite that story to empower me where I am today and to the directions I want to go towards and I want to work towards. Something you talked about before and I just kind of want to like lean into this before we close is, especially as we're working with shadows and doing new things, like it's important to have support. You know whether it's a professional you work with or with community when you are moving abroad. How can you start to cultivate community in a new space when there's this language of barrier? How can you find this language barrier? How can you cultivate support in community even living where you are now or if you take an adventure to somewhere new?

Yeah, so in hindsight, look for events in your community. That's actually how I began to build my community. I went to TimusGal and then I started meeting you know other expats and other different types of people you know. Facebook groups are good too. I mean, if you can't have that connection in person, maybe they're in a different part of the country that you're in. You could eventually meet one day. I actually had the opportunity. Somebody was a podcast guest who, like turned friend, came to visit me here in Malinoco, mexico where I live. That's awesome. Yeah, it's really cool, and so I think it's kind of like technology provides us with so many opportunities to build community and connection, but it's up to us to take it to that next level, to be in person.

Yeah, I love that. I think like one of the best things I ever did was right after college. I just randomly moved to Nashville with my best friend. Like I was supposed to go for a week and I stayed for nine months and when I was there I really started utilizing like meetup and just putting myself in different scenarios and exploring things that were new, creating community in a new way. And then I moved back to my hometown and I was able to like establish those patterns of like. Who I am today is different from the person I was in high school. So how can I find a home and a community that feels supportive to where I'm at right now? So, even if you're like living somewhere and you feel stuck, you don't have to completely move to find things that feel more unlivening and supportive for you. If that is what is right for you, do it. But you can also start to practice those skills where you are now or cultivate new community and really leaning in to like, oh, I've always wanted to try like this thing. What if I just go and do that and see who you meet along the way and you can have a totally different experience even where you are? What would your advice be for someone who's out there and they just feel stuck or uncertain about change and they're scared of the unknown? Do you have any advice that you'd offer someone who's just in that space?

Yeah, you know if you're going through a time in your life where you're facing uncertainty or you're feeling like what do I do next? I think what's really important is to tap into your inner wisdom, and when I say that like really what I mean is like tap into the wisdom of your body. Like the first part of my journey to actually be able to make these big, bold moves that are kind of scary and like require a lot of faith and trust in the process was yoga. I had to get comfortable and safe in the body in order to be able to get to this point of, okay, like I feel safe in my body, like I can be in my body and explore that, okay. So then now, what comes next Because I think that that's actually really a key point that a lot of people don't talk about is that, like we have to be able to trust the intuitive being that our body is before we go on to these deeper and deeper levels, because if we don't feel safe, we end up like skipping a lot of the important parts that are like the necessary foundations, and that's why I always kind of say to everyone like sometimes we have to go backwards to go forwards, and so we got to go backwards and connect to that wisdom and that that trust in being in our body, and then we can trust ourselves more when it comes to these, like mental decisions right, like am I gonna move abroad? But like here's the thing and it's interesting because this is like the gene key of the week there is no such thing as certainty. Nothing is certain. Everything is about the flip of a coin at any moment. The only thing that is certain is is like being in this moment. So my advice to anyone who's wanting to do something big, outside of the box or different is just like, can you learn to trust yourself and what you're doing right now and then build off of that and then, through those baby steps of trusting yourself right now, trying out new things, proving to yourself that you can trust that intuition, that wisdom, then, like, the world is your oyster.

I resonate with that so much. Thank you so much for that advice and reminding us of the wisdom that we all have and of like you can't have one without the other. So, within every certainty, there is doubt, and with every doubt there is certainty, and that doesn't mean that you're wrong. Just learn how to listen to your body and be in this moment and let that be your ultimate guide. If you found Mary Sol's wisdom supportive, today, I've created a PDF that is a guide for you to use before you pick up and move. This covers questions and support tips that she shared to help you decide if you should remain where you are and do some work or if leaving is the right thing for you. So there's a link in the show notes that you can click to get the PDF sent straight to your inbox. Thank you so much for taking the time to have a conversation with us today Before you go. Do you mind sharing with listeners how they can support you and your work? I'll definitely have all of the links to work with you in the show notes as well.

Yeah, definitely so. Right now, where I'm at in life and in this present moment, I design like custom websites for online service providers and brick and mortar businesses, and I also do provide one on one coaching that is trauma informed. So if you are interested in that, you can visit connectwithmarisolcom, and if you're interested in listening to my podcast, roaming the Now, which is all about building a life and business abroad, you can do so by visiting connectwithmarisolcom. I have a link to my podcast. You can listen to it on Apple Spotify and it's video, too, on YouTube. So whatever platform is your preferative choice, you can tap into it there and you know if you are really considering moving abroad, I highly encourage listening to the podcast because we have, like, a diverse amount of subjects around the psychological and emotional journey of moving abroad.

Awesome. Thank you so much, and I'll be sure that we have all the links in the show notes for people to check out your podcast and your work. If you haven't already, you should totally join the dream team. The dream team is an amazing group of listeners who support this podcast and make it possible every month, and you can join for as little as $3 a month. You'll support the podcast, you'll get a special handwritten postcard from yours truly and a shout out in an upcoming episode, and if you aren't able to financially support at this time, it would mean the world to me If you would consider following this podcast on your favorite streaming platform, believing a review. They make a world of difference and sharing an episode you love with a friend, so that we can continue to learn and grow together.